- If you send a picture over the
internet to someone who you really don't know and the picture isn't even
you...you are an asshole!
- If you pretend to be single on
the Net and you're not...you are an asshole!
- If you would like to regulate
the internet...you are an asshole!
- If you think you can claim
copyrights over anything put out on the www...you
are an asshole!
- If you advocate censorship...you
are an asshole!
- If you don't bother to update
the links to your own homepage...you are an
asshole!
- If you make decisions when you
don't know shit about a subject...you
are an asshole!
- If you believe everything your
government tells you...you are an asshole!
- If you believe Oliver Stone,
and spout out his theories everywhere you go...you
are an asshole!
- If you refuse to wait your
turn and instead cut into line at every opportunity...you
are an asshole!
- If you take more than 10 items
into the "10 items or less" express lane at the supermarket...you
are an asshole!
- If you are shopping in a
dollar store and ask the clerk how much something is...you
are an asshole!
- If you own a mobile Phone and
never switch the fucking thing on...you are
an asshole!
- If you blabbing on your cell
while driving and not paying attention, creating a traffic hazard...you are
an asshole!
- If you loudly fuck a girl
while you're in the room at 3:00 in the morning and your roommate is trying
to get sleep for his exam at 8:00 am...you
are an asshole!
- If you stick your finger up
your ass and then rub it under someone's nose...you are an asshole!
- If you tell someone that you
love them just to have sex with them and you never call them again...you
are an asshole!
- If you think that you can have
anyone that you want...you are an asshole!
- If you believe that you are
better than other people...you are an
asshole!
- If you think you are better
than everyone else 'cause you've got more money than them...you
are an asshole!
- If you fart noisily and then
laugh while pointing at your buddies...you
are an asshole!
- If you ask stupid questions
and then get pissed off when returned with stupid answers...you
are an asshole!
- If you are found laughing and
when questioned why you are laughing you respond with some stupid answer
like "private joke"...you are an
asshole!
- If you are the boss, send out
an email telling everyone in the office to show up on time, then stroll in
30 minutes late everyday and leave at five...you
are an asshole!
- If you say that you don't like
gay people, but listen to artists such as Queen, George Michael, Judas
Priest, Elton John, Melissa Etheridge etc...you
are an asshole!
- If you piss into the vats of
beer at the brewery...you are not an asshole you
are a dickhead!
- If you spit into the vats of
production at any food factory...you are not an
asshole, you are a dickhead!
- If you use all the toilet
paper but don't replace it...you are an
asshole!
- If you go to the crapper for
over an hour and don't use an air freshener...you
are an asshole!
- If you leave something
floating in the bowl in a public restroom...you
are a sick asshole!
- If you piss all over the
toilet seat in a public restroom and don't have the common courtesy to wipe
it off...you are a dickheaded asshole!
- If you piss on the seat, and
then lift the lid so it looks like the person before you is the one who
pissed on the seat...you are a worthless dickheaded
asshole!
- If you visit someone's home
and leave hair all over the soap...you are an
asshole!
- If you don't support your
local sports teams until they start to win lots of games...you
are an asshole!
- If you think soccer-players
deserve the same amount of pay as real pro ball players...you are an
asshole!
- If you gloat about a home
team...you
are a real asshole!
- If you wear a team jersey and
know nothing about the team or sport...you
are a dumb shit asshole!
- If you smoke in a non-smoking
section...you are a dickheaded asshole!
- If you complain about your
weight problem and still eat at McDonalds...you
are a dumb asshole!
- If you send chain letters of
any kind...you are an asshole!
- If you call for a pizza, tell
the guy to hold, then ask what everybody wants...you
are an asshole!
- If you loudly entertain the
whole bus with your boom box...you are an
asshole! and deserve to be kicked off the bus.
- If you don't turn off your
beeper during class...you are an asshole!
- If you stay in the movie
theater while your baby screeches his head off...you
do not deserve to be an asshole!
- If you yell at people on TV.
to do something even though you know they can't hear you...you
are an ignorant asshole!
- If you watch 28 hours of
television a week and then say that you don't read because you don't have
time...you are a lazy asshole!
- If you pay to see the WWF on
pay-per-view...you are a red-necked asshole!
- If you brag about how good
your girlfriend is in bed and then get mad when your friends take her for a
test spin...you deserve to be an asshole!
- If you fart under the blanket
only to pull it over your wife/girlfriends head...you
are an asshole! and missing the family jewels
- If you don't shower and stink
and smell like shit...you
are a stinking asshole!
- If you hire someone and pay
them minimum wage and then work them like a dog, flick them shit
and ride their back every minute of every day...you
are an asshole!
- If you complain about the
price of gas, yet drive a car that gets eight miles per gallon...you
are an asshole!
- If you drive around the city
limits with your bright lights on all the time because "you be
cool"...you are an asshole!
- If you put on your makeup
while driving...you are just plain stupid!
- If you think having a car
makes you a better person...you don't deserve that
car!
- If you think having a car
gives you freedom...you are an asshole!
- If you blast your horn at the
driver in front of you a split second after the light turns green...you
are an impatient little asshole!
- If you ask to borrow your
friend's truck time after time because you are too fucking cheap to buy one
yourself...you are an asshole!
- If you complain about others
that drive just like you...you are an
asshole!
- If you drive in the left lane
driving 20 mph below the speed limit...you deserve
to be creamed by an asshole!
- If you have fog lights on your
car and leave them on whether there is fog or not...you
are an asshole!
- If you park in the middle of a
two way street to talk with one of your buddies in the opposite lane, and
therefore block traffic...you are an asshole!
- If you pick your nose and then
flick your boogers at other cars while stopped at a stop light...you
are an asshole!
- If you throw your wad of gun
on the sidewalk on a hot day...you are an asshole!
- If you drive drunk...you
are not an asshole,hope you die hitting a tree!
- If you
throw your empty beer cans into someone else's truck bed while driving...
you are an asshole
- If you take up two parking
spaces for one car...you are an asshole! (unless
you have to get your wheelchair out of your car)
- If you park in a handicapped
space and you are not handicapped...you are
an asshole and should get your ass kicked!
- If you pull up to a red light
and wait for it to turn green before switching on your blinker...you
are an asshole!
- If you suddenly stop in the
middle of a busy aisle/intersection/hallway and just stand there...you
are an asshole!
- If you let things bother you,
such as I have just described on this page...you
are an asshole!
- If you spend time writing
about the qualities of assholes...you are an
asshole!
- If you have this much time on
your hands...you are an asshole!
- If you add to lists about
assholes...you are an asshole!
- If you make a list of what
constitutes an asshole...you are an asshole!
- If you make people read and
write back about what constitutes as an asshole...you
are an asshole!
- If you copy the idea for this
page, then pretend it's your own without even mentioning the source...you
are an asshole!
If
you have just learned that you are in fact an asshole, I can understand you may
feel shocked. That is a natural reaction. Take a deep breath, get over it, life
goes on.
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